Never Again
by PurpleRain96
Summary: What I hope will happen during Stefan and Elena dancing in 4x19. Elena thought she had everything turned off for good, but are her feelings for Stefan stronger than no humanity? Stelena oneshot.


**A/N: Hi, sorry this story might be a bit crappy right now but I'll edit it in the morning. It's _really_ late right now but I just had to get this on paper before I went to bed. Enjoy :)**

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So many warm, dancing bodies around me; it was so unfair I couldn't drink from any of them without making a scene. Because of Stefan and Damon, I felt like a dog on a leash. I wanted to go back to New York. Over there I felt like I could be whoever I wanted even with the Salvatore brothers on my trail the whole time and Katherine who would kill me in the blink of an eye if she wanted to. Whatever, I'd kill her next time.

"I know what you're thinking, Elena," Stefan whispered in my ear as we continued dancing to a slow song. "Are you really going to ruin all your friends night?"

His lips close to my ear sparked something in me that I didn't like. Some feeling; and I knew it wasn't right because all of my feelings were turned off.

"I don't really care what they think. Besides, Caroline can repeat high-school whenever she wants, so if I screw up this one there's always another one." I responded, pushing back the feeling I had when Stefan whispered to me.

"You know you're not only going to ruin the night for the rest of us, you're going to ruin it for yourself. Remember, you've always told me how long you've been waiting to go to prom with me. You said you couldn't wait until we would slow-dance to a beautiful song that you would never forget." He was whispering to me again and I felt that feeling once again. I didn't want to identify it because I knew it would be an emotion. "Remember that, Elena? You said no matter what song it was it would be our song from then on, and then you said we would kiss just before the song was over–"

"And I'd whisper 'I love you'," I finished for him.

He nodded with a cute small smile I couldn't stand looking at. I do remember saying all those things to him and I remember how badly I wanted it. I had always pictured this perfect song that would suit how our lives are really like. I was right, the song was as perfect as I imagined it. It was so perfect it was hard to listen to.

Suddenly, my focus was drawn to Stefan's and my hands which had interlocked into an intimate embrace. How did our hands get like that? Had they been like that all along? Stefan seemed to notice too. I tried closing my eyes to block out everything around me that was forcing me to feel. But Stefan's face was so close to mine it was impossible to block him out. I could almost feel his eyes gazing at me and his cheek was so close to mine they were almost touching. My heart was beating as fast as his was; if not, even faster.

Love; I remember that feeling. It was the most powerful emotion I had ever felt. I felt it every day because there were so many people around me worth loving: Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, Tyler, Damon and Stefan; especially Stefan. He was something special. He was mine, and I let him go because of a stupid sire bond.

_How many ways can you rip my heart out? _The memory of Stefan's hurt voice echoed all around me.

No, make it go away!

_Erase it all, every memory._

Stop it!

_For 145 years I have felt nothing but pain._

I can't stop feeling pain!

"Elena, are you okay?" Stefan asked me.

I opened my eyes and found his gaze staring back at me. I couldn't move my eyes away from his, I felt too much for them. I wanted so much to reach up and touch his face and tell him that I love him. The song was just about over. I felt my heart beat even faster than before. My hand tightened around his and Stefan closed his eyes as I leant forward to touch those lips I had been waiting for so long. Our noses touched, my skin burned in anticipation.

"Stefan," I whispered, our lips were so close now they were barely touching. "I feel…"

No, I couldn't do this. I couldn't feel ever again. I would feel love for one moment but I would feel pain for the rest of my life. Stefan couldn't make me feel. This was the better version of me.

I pulled back and ran for the doors almost tripping over my long dress and high heel shoes on the way. I thrust the doors open with my breathing becoming heavy and panicked as I ran outside to the frosty night air and empty street.

Pain, pain, all I can feel is pain.

I can see Mom and Dad dead.

Now Jenna and John,

Then comes Rick,

And finally, my little brother Jeremy lying lifeless on his bed with his ring still not working.

I can't wake him up.

I can't wake anyone up.

Pain, so much pain!

"Elena!" Stefan called.

He looked so worried for me. I just wanted to jump into his arms and never leave them.

"Go away!" I forced out. "I don't know if you've heard of it, but there's this thing called 'personal space'."

"You said you were starting to feel," he said as he stepped closer to me. "What do you mean by that?"

"I honestly don't know what I was thinking." It was getting harder and harder to lie to him. I couldn't turn my feelings off. They were coming for me. "Now leave me alone,"

"It's fighting its way back into you, isn't it?" he asked.

"No!" I shouted. God, make it go away!

"That's it, isn't it? Your feelings for me are stronger than no feelings at all. Lexi said the most powerful way to turn your emotions back on is love. She was right,"

"She was a stupid, crazy bitch who didn't know what she was talking about. I don't feel anything for you Stefan, so stop trying to shove my humanity down my throat and leave me alone, along with your brother!" it was so easy to say this to Damon earlier this evening. Why was it so hard to say it to Stefan?

"Fine, but one more thing,"

God, what did he want this time?

"Kiss me,"

"What the hell are you getting at?"

"Just kiss me once, and then I promise I'll leave you alone for the rest of your life. But if you want to kiss me again…"

"_That's _proof to you? Some stupid kiss?"

He shrugged as if to say 'simple as that'.

"…You _promise _you'll leave me alone after that."

He stepped a few inches closer to me with our faces very close together. "I've always said you can make your own choices, right?" he moved a strand of my hair away with his fingertips. I wanted to close my eyes and feel him do it over and over again. "I promise you Elena, I'll leave you alone after this."

I was really struggling now. It was so easy to turn off my humanity the first time, why was it so hard the second time? I buried it back, deeper and deeper.

I couldn't do it anymore.

I grabbed Stefan's face between my hands and kissed him hungrily and passionately. Something felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders as soon as I tasted Stefan's mouth.

Everyone was right, I did need the cure, but not the cure they thought I needed. My cure is Stefan and I felt like the most awful person in the world for letting him go.

I pushed him against the wall, refusing to let our lips let go of each other's. When he grabbed my face I began to cry softly.

I never knew how lost and blind I was. All this time I had done things just to please Damon like a little lost puppy, and I had just left Stefan in the dark.

"Stefan," I gasped while crying as his lips explored my face and neck. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry Stefan, I didn't mean–"

"It's alright…Elena," he said between kissed. I couldn't stop kissing him. I felt if I stopped kissing him then I would never kiss him again. "I know…you didn't…please don't…cry…I love you…"

I was crying so hard by this stage I had to pull away for a moment. "How can you still love me? I threatened you and I killed that waitress…oh my god, I killed–"

"Ssh, Elena, don't cry," he kissed my wet eyelids. "I still love you, because even when I did horrible things you accepted them. I'm going to do the same."

We kissed for a really long time until I was too exhausted to go any further and we just stayed embracing.

"I love you…s-so much," I whimpered into his shoulder. "I swear, I'm never going to do that to you again."

Stefan pecked a kiss on my neck and shoulder and stroked my hair softly. "I love you," he whispered.


End file.
